A friend of mine sent me a list of ways to tell if you are Irish, and as I read it, I was shocked and amused at the freakish accuracy of this list. So in honor of the great St. Patrick’s feast day, the day everyone thinks they’re Irish, check this list and see how you do.
1) You will never play professional basketball.
This one may not be as true as it sounds. My sister is still one of the best point guards around.
2) You swear very well.
Yes, I do. My family swears well, also. But the trick to this one is knowing when to swear, and when to keep your mouth shut.
3) At least one of your cousins is a fireman, cop, bar owner, funeral home owner or holds political office.
My uncle is a bar owner. That totally counts.
4) You think you sing very well.
Only when I’m at my uncle’s pub. Or my local pub. Pubs in general.
5) You have no idea how to make a long story short!
No clue, but it’s totally worth it to listen to my stories.
6) There isn’t a big difference between you losing your temper or killing someone.
But there is still a difference. And, as a typical Irish woman, usually I pray, “Lord grant me strength” when I feel my temper start to rise.
7) Many of your childhood meals were boiled. Instant potatoes were a mortal sin.
I discovered the deliciousness of instant potatoes last year, but they will never replace the taste of Mom’s mashed potatoes. Mom, if you’re reading this, yes, I do eat instant potatoes. Orlaith made me do it.
8 ) You have at least one aunt who is a nun or an uncle a priest.
Not true, but I did get drunk with a priest once. At the altar. Here’s what happened. He came over to my aunt’s house to say mass and my whole family was there. We put a white table cloth and a crucifix on the kitchen table and it became the altar. When Mass was over, we put the crucifix away. He pulled out a bottle of gin and I pulled out a bottle of Pinot Grigio, and the rest is history.
9) You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling in prayer.
Ugh. This is true. We went to Mass all the time.
10) You’re strangely poetic after a few beers.
Poetic, musical, etc…
11) Some punches directed at you are from legacies of past generations.
Thanks, guys.
12) Many of your sisters and/or cousins are named Mary, Catherine or Eileen …. and there is at least one member of your family with the full name of Mary Catherine Eileen. Catherine, Katherine & Kathleen are often shortened to Kate. Bridget, Bernadette, Maureen, Noreen & Pat are also common.
My middle name is Catherine, named after my grandma, who told me when I was in college that her name is actually Kate. I have two aunts named Mary, and my mother would be Mary but for the fact that my grandma broke from tradition and named her first daughter Anne instead. My other grandma’s name is Eileen, who also named one of her daughter’s Eileen, who named her own daughter Aileen.
13) Someone in your family is very generous … it is most likely you.
I’m a freaking saint.
14) You may not know the words, but that doesn’t stop you from singing.
Ask my sister about this one. She’s the best at making up words.
15) You can’t wait for the other guy to stop talking before you start talking.
Typical.
16) You’re not nearly as funny as you think you are… but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency.
Not true. I’m hilarious.
17) There wasn’t a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.
You know, except for the dead person.
18) You know someone named Murph, Mic or Sully.
Actually, it’s Mick, and I know one of each.
19) If you don’t, you are Murph, Mic or Sully.
No. My name is way more complicated.
20) You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.
This one is definitely not true. There are many things I’m taking to my grave.
21) You have Irish Alzheimer’s… you forget everything but the grudges!
I heard my dad say this when I was younger, and I thought this was a Dad-original. Looks like it’s made the rounds. It’s true, though. Don’t mess with the Irish.
22) ‘Irish Stew’ is a euphemism for ‘boiled leftovers.’
Maybe in some households. In my house, it’s a euphemism for “Take it or leave it.”
23) Your skin’s ability to tan…. not so much. (Only in spots!)
My nose and forehead, in particular.
24) Childhood remedies for the common cold often included some form of whiskey.
Actually, that was a remedy for teething.
25) There’s no leaving a family party without saying goodbye for at least 45 minutes.
This also applies to phone conversations: http://twitpic.com/xzwju
26) At this very moment, you have at least two relatives who are not speaking to each other. Not fighting mind you, just not speaking to each other.
Ha. No comment. See? I can keep secrets.
so true… i’m sitting here reading this to my da, i’m pretty sure it’s 99.9% accurate. none of my aunts are nuns… i have’nt drank w/ a preist… and my uncle murphy (yep i know… theres a patrick, colleen, and a mary-catherine.) owns a pub across the pond. the greatest day of my life was when i found out potatos wernt a source of surival. i’m way too short to attempt basketball… i love soccer and rugby though! lastly on the u.s. census there needs to be a spot under ethnicity that says “glowstick” because i’m too pale to be considerd white… unless you count my ruddy cheecks.